Me

I struggle with depression.

Some days I wake up (which is usually at 5am because I have to go to work) and I don't want to move. I just want to lay in bed all day and just forgo all of my responsibilities and be nobody. There are days when no matter what I do, no matter who I'm with, it's just a shitty day because my brain has decided it is and I just want to disappear from existence.

But despite all this, I get up out of bed, put one foot in front of the other, put on a smile, and try to be a productive member of society. It sucks. Like some days it's so hard and mentally draining to try and be this upbeat person that everyone expects me to be. Even when I'm at Versus, playing Smash and commentating, something that I love doing with all of my heart, it is just so hard to be there or get on the mic and try to be this high energy, likable person for the crowd.

Now I don't always feel like this. Some days are better than others. Sometimes I don't feel like this at all for weeks and months at a time. Even over the past few months I've been in a pretty good place, mentally and physically. I have a great job, I'm doing well in school, even my "Smash Career" (and I use those words very lightly) seems to be going well enough. But even still, some days and weeks I'm just this depressed person that nothing matters. And I hate it, I wish I was normal. I wish my brain functioned normally. I wish I didn't feel this way. I just want to be regular guy who just goes through life, that's not so hard to ask right?

Now that past week I've been feeling a bit depressed. Just came out of nowhere because I thought I was doing ok. CEO was so good, and I'll be at EVO very soon. But I'm still a bit down. Forever will I continue to be overlooked because I am too nice and too genuine. If had a dollar every time I've been told how nice of a person I am,  I'd be a rich man. But people don't want the nice guy unfortunately, and that sucks...a lot.

But I can't change who I am. I will forever go along being nice, being caring, being the Jon Viveros that all of you know and hopefully love.

And one day, I'll have my day, find the person I'm looking for and be truly happy...If only I believed that and it was true.

Dream or Nightmare?

Short post based on a cool quote I read the other day.

"The difference between a dream and a nightmare is how big your balls are."

Pretty interesting quote right? At first you're knocked back at the light vulgarity of it, then you actually start thinking about it and you realize just how deep it is. It basically is saying that you decide how you react and choose to live your life. How are you going to react to a tough situation? Are you going to cower in fear and basically stay stuck in your own personal nightmare, or are you going to man up and realize what's going on and make a hard change to get out of the nightmare. What about in life, why not go all out and dream, attempt the impossible, at least you know that you tried. At the end of the say I'd like to say that I did everything in my power to accomplish my impossible, and if I fail, at least I gave it my all and I dreamed the dream.

So how big are you balls? You gonna create and live your dream or are you gonna just stay stagnant and live in a nightmare. Just something to think about.

JV

Not Just a Children's Card Game

Preface: This is something I've wanted to write about but I was waiting until it became official. Whether you know what's going on or not, enjoy.

I play the Pokémon Trading Card Game. 90% of you know this, but to the ones that don't, I have seat over here for you to sit on to if this is so shocking that you're knocked off your feet. Most people had no idea that there was a way to play, they thought it was all about just collecting cards, I won't get into the rules, but it's basically a version of chess where you bring your own pieces. 

I've been playing Pokémon competitively for 6 years now, and I am so happy that I picked up this hobby. Why do I like it you may be asking, well I'm glad you asked. First off, I love the competition. I'm a very competitive person, so if I can get the adrenaline flowing, even in a TCG I'm going to enjoy it. Secondly, I get to travel all over to play this game. This season alone (a season runs from September to August) I've been to Texas, Georgia, Ohio, all over Florida, I'll be in Indianapolis in July, and I will be in Vancouver in August. That's pretty awesome if I don't say so myself! Lastly, most importantly, I love all the friends I've made. I have met people from all over the US and from other countries as well. I go to events to play obviously, but the main reason I go is to hang out with my friends. Example, this year for a State tournament, a pretty big deal for performing well to get your invite to the World Championships and just a big tournament overall, I decided to go to Columbus, Ohio for their tourney, a usually tough area, instead of going to Georgia, which is an easier area to perform well in. Now why would I do that, I wanted to hang out with a few of my better friends who I realistically only see once, maybe twice a year at Nationals and Worlds if we make the trek for it. Winning and performing well is great, but it's definitely not everything.

Now why did I wait to make a post about why I like Pokémon? Well on Sunday, as some of you already know, I officially qualified for the World Championships which will be in Vancouver in August. I just didn't want to say I was going to qualify prematurely and then miss it (yes I'm superstitious, we all know this haha). This is big as it is the first time that I have qualified for the main event outright, which is something that is hard to do. It's like the play-offs of any major sport, you need to perform well through a whole season to qualify, and then anything can happen in the postseason. This has been my goal all season, to get a chance to compete with the best in world and hopefully performing well. Now it still hasn't really fully set in, and I don't think it will for a little longer, but in the words of a good friend of mine 'I'm going to be playing in the World Fucking Championships' the most important event of the season, and most important that I have ever played. I have staked my claim as roughly one of the 150 best in the world this season, which is pretty crazy. I'm sure I'll be nervous, as I always get nervous before big events, but I plan on just enjoying the ride, and if that includes a deep run then that's just icing on the top!

Well that's all I have for now, hope you enjoyed seeing a small glance into my favorite hobby, I know it isn't the coolest one, but I enjoy it. Until next time ya'll.

JV

NFL Draft 2013

As many people know, today is the first night of the NFL Draft, a night filled with joy, sadness, drama, hope, and trades...hopefully lots of trades. Most people will be posting frantically about the picks their teams made, and unfortunately didn't make as well, but not this guy. Mainly I don't want to post about my completely horrible team making horrible decisions (Dee Milliner and Sheldon Richardson for those who are wondering), but I also want to be slightly different. Instead, I'm going to post on what I think about the draft, and how I experienced it. So without much more introduction, away we go.

So what do I think about the spectacle that is the draft? I enjoy it, I like seeing these freakishly huge athletes get all excited and hug it out with Roger Goodell like they just found out that their significant other is pregnant. I enjoy seeing the talking heads say every pick is a good pick for the team just to be wrong a few short years later (Ryan Leaf, Tim Couch, Mark Sanchez, JaMarcus Russell anyone). I also really enjoy hearing the loud boos sent out by the majority Jet and Giant fans toward the other thirty teams in the NFL...it's funny. But I always like the draft because, and this may be a huge shock to all of you, I'm a huge nerd. I know, I know, Jon Viveros and nerd are pretty synonymous, but lets get back to the draft. It's so much more than just people guessing who fits where, I guess I enjoy the whole process and obviously we all enjoy the show that is the draft night. As an aspiring General Manager, I guess I've always liked the whole behind the scenes crap so many people don't realize goes on. How people evaluate talent, how people decide if a player is right or not for their team, the stupid equations people make up to decide that their team is better off without a receiver who has a hooker mother (Jeff Ireland jab). I live for this stuff! The gambles of picking someone who might be a little rough around the edges, but his 4.4 speed is too good to pass up, or trading up for a QB that you have to have because he comes from a school that has great college QBs but less than stellar Pro QBs, but you're sure this one is different, we promise...but he isn't, in fact he might even be the worst one of the bunch. It's all so fascinating to me, and hopefully I will find my way to the heart of it.

Now how did I experience D-Day 2013 you might be asking, but most likely not, yet you're still reading this entry, so I guess you are interested after all...I feel loved. Anyway after a completely hectic last 2 hours of work (I'll post on this crazy day on a later date) me and more than five other people head to our sports bar of choice, Duffy's, to partake in drinks, wings, and bad decisions that is the draft. Me and my buddy Nick show up late because of the whole work until nine thing, and we have to hear about how awesome of a trade the Dolphins made to pick up some great defensive player from a team that played no defense, and then we hear how terrible the Jets are. About two long islands, two terrible draft picks, and multiple jabs at each other's manliness and teams, we are about to leave, when, out of nowhere, this fat magician shows up, sits down, and begins a cards show. Now this might've been the drunkgoggles, but this guy was awesome! Again, could be the long islands, but these tricks completely blew my mind. He took a card, changed it in front of our eyes, had one of our friends sign a card and then he kept pulling it out of thin air. Honestly, my words aren't doing him justice, if I had a video, I would show you. But overall it was a weird, yet completely interesting ending to a weird, yet very fun night.

So that's my take on draft day, a fun experience with a lot of hype, a lot of letdown, and trades...lots and lots of trades. Until next time everyone.

JV

Why Am I Here?

It's a very valid question, I'm referring to the title. So simple, yet it's still not an easy question to answer. The simple reason is because I can. Why not right, it's free, the internet has so much space, why not add another pointless blog to the count. But there is so much more to add to that. I could possibly feel like my words have meanings so important that the world needs to hear about it. It could be that I want to entertain the masses with my witty remarks and funny circumstances. I could just be bored, and this gives me something to do in between studying, work, and my other activities (more on those later). See what I mean, not as easy as it seems, I'll come back to the question in a minute.

So what do I have to share with the masses, most of who will probably be my close friends and family? Honestly, whatever I feel like talking about at the moment. I tried running a blog on a set subject once, it sucked, I think I made six posts on it before I quit. I had to post almost everyday, I had to plan out what I was going to post about, and I had to research the topic. It was horrible! This will suit me better I feel. I'll post whenever I want, could be once or twice a week, could be once or twice a day. Whenever I feel like posting, I'll throw something up. Also I can post on whatever I want, no restrictions. I enjoy many things, I'm a huge sports nut, wasting most of my time on ESPN reading up on everything. I play the Pokemon Trading Card Game competitively, traveling all around to compete in tournaments and to hang out with some of my best friends from all around. I read comics, Wednesday is one of my favorite days of the week, got to get my comic fix for the week. I love movies and TV, who doesn't though? I work at a golf course, where there is never a dull moment...unless it's raining then it's terribly boring. Wide array of topics for all of you to read about.

So I return to the original question, why am I here? Truthfully, I have no idea why I decided to do this. I guess I just wanted a way to jot down my thoughts, and provide my somewhat entertaining opinion to all who care seemed like the best thing to do at the time. So sit back, relax, enjoy the ride, and come find the possimpible with me (extra points if you know what my blog's title is referencing).

JV